I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
