Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
