So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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