Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.

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(812): View more from Indiana

apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i wish you could fill a pinata with booze

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(757): View more from Virginia

adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.

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(305): View more from Florida

I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.

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(716): View more from New York

He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.

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(618): View more from Illinois

omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid

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(770): View more from Georgia

He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up

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