All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im six kinds of drunk right now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
