what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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