Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
