I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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