I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize