Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
