this beer tastes like vomit already
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
