the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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