We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
