U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
