She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
