Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize