Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
