Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
