So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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