i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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