apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
