I have demons in me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize