it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
