I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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