I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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