My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
