I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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