Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
