No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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