I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
