And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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