after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
