remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
