recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
