The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
