before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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