i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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