My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize