your parents love me but you hate me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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