Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
