He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
