So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize
