Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
