My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
one might say we're banned from that church
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
