I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
