So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
