why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
