I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
