my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize