My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
