Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
