My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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