there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
