I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The air taste purple.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
