hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
