Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
