I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
