she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
