We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
