I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
