I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize