i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
