why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize