nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
