Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
