what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
