I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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