even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
