Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
handjob tips. give me some.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
